Mistakes, I've Made a Few

Every time I’ve tried to write something, it falters. I falter. What’s the point, what’s this stringing of words going to do to change what is happening to Palestinians in Gaza and the West Bank? Will these words bring about a ceasefire? Perhaps that’s an angsty teen thing to say, but she’s got a point, along with a gift for black eyeliner. I don’t understand how I get up everyday, make coffee, go to work, talk to people, bitch about the weather or the mayor or how jeans don’t make sense while the Israeli government actively erases Palestinian families from this earth with US money and blessing.

The cognitive dissonance of people’s excitement over this holiday, Thanksgiving, and their general wringing of hands at the nature of the world is just too much for me. Connect the dots, people! This world is a game of dodgeball-you’re either with the Evil Empire or you’re fighting for a world where people are safe and free.

We can, and must have, moments of joy, but please don’t be blind to what this world is—a struggle between those solely interested in gaining more power and resources to insulate themselves because they move with violence and domination, and the rest of us. I can’t stand for any more Pollyannas who think this is a harsh view of things. Wake the fuck up. How much blood needs to run, how many people need to be living without shelter, going hungry, how many babies need to be murdered, for you to not know that you’re with one team or the other, and this complacency gets you on the Evil Empire Squad. Those seeking liberation are always called rebels and terrorists, their desire to keep their land, their families, their loves, their lives, along with dignity, freedom and respect conflict with the maintenance of power. 

Those in power—politicians, governments, business people—continue to receive the benefit of doubt, that they work in our best interests, that they are reasonable. There is never enough power. The word ‘enough’ is a failure to them. The maintenance of power is non-stop accumulation, there is no rest, there is no end. Why else do billionaires look to the moon?

Anyway, plenty of us ‘do’ Thanksgiving. For many people it’s a day off, we gather with our family and friends, lounge, drink and eat. What’s to hate? This isn’t a country that really prioritizes passing time in such a lovely, leisurely way. We like sports, shopping, consumption, but not really quality time. Honestly, for those that really go all in, how do we even celebrate Thanksgiving with a straight face? The food is heavy and intense, centered around a bird whose most commodified breed is bred to not fly, just be a rolling ball born to die. The meal itself is a continuation of this country’s subsidizing of the dairy industry (when in doubt, add butter and/or cream to any and all of the dishes). The reason turkey is so difficult to make taste good is because the breast, the white lean meat without fat in it, should be pulled at 155° while the dark meat, the legs and drumsticks, with all of that natural grace of fat, should be pulled when it temps around 165°. 

This is also the case with chickens, but the average roasting chicken is about 3-4 pounds. Amplify this difference to a larger turkey, the greater the disparity between when the white meat is done, then overcooked, and when the dark meat is done. The more people at the table, the bigger the bird, the more epic presentation of the whole bird. America is such a size queen. The centerpiece of this meal is a metaphor for this land, this experimental democracy that continues to double down on been done for a few centuries, even if it doesn’t really work.

The status quo of white people is dangerous, and this status quo is the central standard everyone else must meet. This reality is the one sold on TV and the nightly news and the voices put forth by our institutions, whose number one priority is the very maintenance of their institutional status, with an eye towards just enough change to perform relevancy. It’s a feature, not a glitch, of this society. Even though we know about white privilege and white frailty, we cannot check ourselves from our baked-in Karen-ness. 

When I started training people to work in professional kitchens, I thought the increase of minimum wage in New York City was going to be the answer. I’ve made terrible money in kitchens, and been very broke in my life. But I’ve had more choices than many, with access to wealth, security and safety.

I was raised to work, that much is sure, from my Greek immigrant YiaYia running the family bar, my single mom raising me and my sisters, my uncle who milked cows and worked for the gas and electric company on the truck. A job could solve every problem. Just work harder. And it took a very long time for me to see that a job doesn’t solve every problem. People’s lives don’t suddenly fall in order because the minimum wage increased to $15/hour. I learned, very quickly, that I was wrong. I was, and still am, sheltered, I needed to learn a lot more before instructing people how to live theirs. For programs like the one I created, the phrase “to lift people out of poverty” is a required statement. That’s what funders are investing in, an end to poverty created by the system that so richly has rewarded them.

But all this shit is just band-aids. Policy changes poverty, not non-profits. Our assumptions about what will improve other people’s lives ignores the biggest factors that impact ours— all the support and advantages we have not available to others. We rely on them, yet are ignorant to their importance enough to extend them to everyone.

So in the spirit of this shitty holiday, here are some awful things white people do that I have noticed: 

1. Clutching pearls over young children on the train selling candy because that kid should be in school! Some of these kids are migrants, their families managed to get them to this country just to be bussed to NYC as political pawns. Our terrible mayor Eric Adams can’t handle any challenge so the services have been cut. Care first about if these services exist, including and especially shelter and food, and if they exist in the languages necessary. Trust their families who have kept them safe so far.

2. Pretend like nothing horrible is going on in Gaza to Palestinians with the funding of our government aka our tax money but do you condemn what Hamas did on October 7th?

3. No more nonsense about how we just need to apply ourselves, hunker down, tighten the bootstraps and then we can be financially solvent. No one in this country can rent a single apartment on a full-time minimum wage job. That financial ship has sailed. Coffee drinks did not sink it.

4. Branding, no matter how cool you it is, you are or that person is, is just palatable gross capitalism. We all have to participate in this system in this country, but a little scrutiny would be great!

5. We are dangerously close to normalizing the “they have to keep the stockholders happy” statement for stagnant wages and lack of healthcare for workers. It’s bullshit. 

6. At my uncle’s funeral a year and half ago I had a conversation with my cousin’s husband that made me want to scratch my eyes out. He believed minimum wage jobs are starting positions mainly for teenagers and young people, it’s the first step on the ladder. And anyone worth their anything would move up to higher paying jobs. This is not true. There is no path in this country towards middle class from below middle class. I don’t even know what middle class is anyway, I think it’s just an advertisement for America! Land of Opportunity! The Musical.

7. Tip well. If you’re using a service, like getting a drink and food at a bar or using a car, you are willing participating. Tip 25% to make up for the fact that you can willingly participate. We are well aware of wages at this point, this matters. And you better be tipping the delivery guys, and not just 10% because “they didn’t make the food.” Stop using concepts of production to justify your cheapness. Don’t just tip when it looks good for you because you know someone or it’s a cool place.

8. Stop expecting people who are unhoused or asking for money to look and be a certain way. We expect people in need to be angelic cherubs, and most certainly sober. Or someone doesn’t check all the boxes of what “need” looks like.

9. I truly do not believe that my financial downfall will be because I tipped too much, gave people on the street money, donated to many GoFundMe’s, or tried to buy products from places that are sustainable. That’s not why I don’t have a house, I don’t have a house because my dad spent my college fund and didn’t pay taxes for a decade. I don’t have a house because I have made choices in my life to not do things I hate for work. I don’t have a house because I have made questionable decisions in my life and I stand by them. I don’t have a house because I just can’t suck it up to be in a room with some asshole to make a lot of money, and I shouldn’t have to. I don’t have a house because I had student loan debt and it followed me for a long time. I don’t have a house because I’ve self-medicated for decades to cope with this world. I don’t have a house because I’m just not much of a homemaker. Maybe I just don’t want a house. But my downfall will not be because I cared about people.

Don’t take any shit from anyone who has or will have a pension. That person lives in a different America and it’s time for that country to just hush it. 

Anyway, the best part of Thanksgiving is Thanksgiving Eve, my favorite holiday, which I would happily sacrifice to get rid of Thanksgiving altogether. We can’t get to a better world while hoarding all the wealth and privilege and making everything with butter. 

The next Attitude Adjustment Facility will be about my process, probably. Therein will lie the reasons for my typos and mistakes.